Days after a month-long celebration of Women’s Month, it is necessary to look back on the recent happenings in the country in line with women’s safety. Just recently, there has been a press conference led by the girl who was unfortunately beaten by her boyfriend.
As normal as it seems, Filipinos have come to speculate what was the “origin” of the said assaults, then came to the speculation that the battered woman was in a third-party relationship, some says that the boyfriend caught her to have had a husband in the past. Regardless of the probable reason of why the boyfriend bursted into a major aggression towards the girl, still, it is never valid to hit anyone out of anger nor whatever the reason may be.
It is entirely disappointing to read the comments of some, saying that the guy’s infliction of his fist is “inevitable” or that his reaction towards the situation may have just been a result of being provoked to do so. However, intimacy inside a relationship does not equal an absolute freedom from oppression or abuse.
Whether the outburst came from an intense argument about jealousy or in other aspects, there will never be a justification. Based on a study of the UN Women, there are about 640-million women aged 15 and above who have already suffered violence at the expense and hands of their romantic partners worldwide–again, so much for calling it a romantic relationship filled with “pure love”.
Further into the case, then again, people are keen into pointing out why the girl did not just leave the relationship the moment that fists and kicks were thrown out. Psychologically speaking, there may be hundreds of reasons why the abused is choosing not to escape the manipulation. Not that they do not want to, but more of the things that are stopping them from seeking therapy, guidance, or just to go off about it:
The cycle of mental abuse goes on–masked with the mindset that today is good, then tomorrow will be better, too.
The oppressor in the relationship will try their very best to keep their abuse in a bubble. This means that when the submissive one complains and shows signs of wanting to escape their manipulation, the abuser will gradually stop the violence, and show signs of “recovery” from the situation, to make it seem as if the abuse never happened in the first place. As the abused partner sees the “changes”, this will make them more guilty of leaving. Hence, the abuser has already made them think that the inflicted abuse is just all in their head or may have been caused by their actions.
Leaving the situation is as dangerous as it is inside of it.
The abuser who claims to only do violent actions towards their partner because of love will tend to threaten the abused partner to hurt them even more if they decide to leave, or also possibly hurt the loved ones of the concerned party, in case they seek help.
The abused partner feels the need to stay until their abuser changes as they feel entirely responsible for their abuser’s actions.
Wanting to see their abusive partner to change, the abused partner will seek to endure everything that their abusive partner will do, as they are driven with the mindset that if only, they stay, then their partner will see their worth that could lead them to treat the relationship better.
However, it does not work out that way. Although the abusive person in the relationship may have also encountered violence in their childhood that may have resulted for them to adapt the same behavior and inflict the same pain to the people who are giving them genuine love and attention, it will never be justifiable for them to trash people even with human nature’s instinct of outburst. If anger management issues are the problem, being in a relationship is not the answer–therapy is.
The abusive relationship has originated from a very happy and healthy start.
One of the major reasons why an abused person backs down when given a chance to escape toxicity is the memories that they both have established in the long run of their relationship. The abused will tend to express disbelief in the inflicted violence as their relationship was once over the clouds but have unknowingly turned bitter a few years into it. Having to have experienced a once healthy routine in the relationship, the abused will come to question their now toxic situation; blaming themselves that maybe it was them who have provoked their partner to treat them badly. The abused one in the relationship will blame everyone but their partner.
However, the reality of a now-toxic relationship is that the abuser tends to influence the submissive individual in the relationship, for which in a little while, the oppressed will also become what they hate the most.
The abused partner no longer feels any self-worth.
Almost always painting themselves as the “bad guy” in the relationship, the more that they get themselves tied up in toxicity, the more that they will think that it is the only thing that they deserve. Also, the abusive partner may also become obsessive to their partner’s whereabouts, whatabouts, and all else that binds them into one. With the fiery obsession, it drives them to manipulate their abused partner to only become dependent on when they will treat them good, without any anticipation on when they will abuse them thereafter.
It is true that only those involved in an abusive relationship have the sole authority on whether they should split up or to try to be better with each other, but it does not always work that way. The best thing (life-saving, too) that the abused individual can do is to get out of the relationship before it becomes deadly, literally. However, people cannot just impose the idea to leave the relationship, for not only that they are tied up in the physical relationship itself, but they are also caught up in the mindset that no one will ever ‘love’ them the way that their abuser made them feel.
Certainly, it is a long way to go for the abused to recover from such a situation, but the moment that they have come to call it quits and to set each other free for the sake of peace, only then will they both heal their personal traumas. Furthermore, if the abuser reasons out “being abused in childhood have resulted for them to also inflict the same pain to others”, then it clearly shows that the therapy is what they need, not a partner to whom they seek to be a shock-absorber to all of their aggressions in life.
The spectrum of abuse in a relationship is a broad aspect to dive into, but if left untouched, the more that it will prevail and add more to the number of casualties worldwide.