You have probably heard of the well-known phrases: “Happiness is a choice,” or “think of happy thoughts, and you’ll be fine.” Of course, most people use these phrases to mean nothing negative. These quotes are often seen in some self-help books and some inspirational articles on the internet. The intention of this saying is undoubtedly for good, but is it beneficial?
Expressions like these convey a message that we, as human beings, have constant control over what we feel and think. But it conceals the fact that we cannot control our environment.
For example, can you be genuinely happy after being diagnosed with depression? Can you choose to be happy instead of grieving after losing a loved one? The answer is no because happiness is an emotional state characterized by many positive feelings like joy, pleasure, contentment, etc.
Most of our emotions can be triggered by our outside environment, so you cannot just choose to be happy when experiencing something negative or something that saddens you. There are no switch buttons for our emotions. Because emotions, be it good or bad, are meant to be felt and expressed.
Saying that “happiness is a choice” and “think of happy thoughts” might not be appropriate, especially to those currently in a negative situation. Despite having pure intentions, the feelings of those whom these words are directed to might feel invalidated. Pushing people to be happy in the midst of their sorrow could also reinforce what we call toxic positivity. Remember that happiness is an emotional state, and we experience it based on many factors.
There is nothing wrong with actively seeking happiness by trying to think or focusing on happy thoughts. But we must understand that we cannot choose to be happy when we want to experience it.
But don’t worry, because our attitude towards life can lead to happiness.
Yes, there is no switch button to select our desired emotions. But, our attitude towards life can be learned – it’s called positivity.
A positive attitude may lead to happiness.
Having a positive outlook in life is way too different from “choosing” to be happy. The latter conveys a message that we can be happy by simply choosing to be happy regardless of our current situation, while the former is about mindset. As mentioned, our emotions as part of our system depend on many factors like our environment, current situation, thoughts, biological factors, etc., so it is not permanent; it’s momentary.
Having a positive attitude means accepting the uncertainties of life while finding and focusing on the right solution to whatever situation that triggers negative emotions. It is all about looking at the brighter side of things, and it’s all about our life’s perspective. It’s a lifelong learning process, and it can be learned.
So instead of believing that “happiness is a choice,” why not change that perspective into “I am improving and whatever negative emotions I am experiencing right now shall pass” or “I’ll be fine soon.”
Please bear in mind that having a positive mindset doesn’t mean ignoring life’s challenges and difficulties. Being positive means you are aware of those challenges, but also you can learn something from them that you can use to improve your life.
Happiness is not a choice; positivity is.