Listening

“Love the river. Stay by it. Listen to the river. Learn from it.”

This is one of the sayings that struck me most in one of my lowest moments in life… a moment when I experienced unexplainable emptiness within me. That there was something more that I wanted… something more than anyone or anything and even what I treasure most could give me. I wanted to find myself. I wanted answers to the questions that troubled me. I wanted to fill up the emptiness in my heart and in my life.

Then…

I was reminded of the Siddharta story (which I believe many of us know this) … a novel written in early 1900’s that made it a kind of bible for the younger generation after World War II. It is a story of a young man’s search for the answers to the problems of life here on earth.

As we all know, Siddharta was born and brought up as a Brahmin’s son. He was rich and talented and everyone liked him. His father was happy because he was intelligent and eager for knowledge. His mother was proud because he was strong and handsome. Everybody loved him because he pleased and made everyone happy. But Siddharta himself was not happy. There was something more than his family and friends and even his talents and intelligence could give him.

This novel tells the story of how Siddharta leaves home and goes off in search of himself and of happiness. He joins several groups who look for happiness. He also goes through a tortuous love affair with the beautiful Kamala, only to realize that sexual love is not enough. He even becomes rich and prosperous merchant, only to learn that richness and prosperity are only a children’s game that people play among themselves.
Finally, he goes to live his life as a simple ferryman on the banks of a river… There, a ferryman teaches Siddharta to listen to the river… He tells him, “Love the river. Stay by it. Listen to the river. Learn from it.” From that moment on…Siddharta begins to find peace. He sits by the river and he listens. He sees that the water continually flows and flows yet it is always there. The river is always the same and yet every moment it is new.

There…

By the river, Siddharta learned the most important lesson of all. You have to let go. You will find happiness only when you stop chasing it. You will find yourself only when you stop pursuing the things that are not yourself – like money and pleasure and possessions. You will find yourself only when you stop and listen and stop running after substitutes for the self…With this, it is only when you let go of things that you find true happiness.
And here’s a beautiful passage on letting go when Siddharta leaves Kamala to return to the river… “When Kamala first heard the news of Siddharta’s disappearance, she went to the window where she kept a rare songbird in a golden cage. She opened the door of the cage, took the bird out and let it fly away.”

Like Siddharta, Kamala, too, had to let go. Later, Siddharta’s son comes to him at the river. He tries to own his son, to control him, to possess him. But the son rebels and finally runs away. Siddharta, finally learns that he can keep his son only by letting go.

Sometimes, like Kamala, we find a bird that we love very much and we want to hang on to it at all cost. So we squeeze it tight in our hand so it won’t fly away. You can hold on to the bird by holding it tight but you also run the risk of crushing the bird if you hold it too tight. You can open up your hand, and the bird is free to fly away. But if the bird stays there in your open hand, then you know that the bird loves you.

As I realize…

Sometimes we really don’t know how to let go. We want too many things. We hang on too tightly. Bad enough when they are material things…even worse when they are people and we hang on to them too tightly. Like Siddharta and Kamala, we can only find ourselves, we can only find happiness when we learn to let go of things and people. We have to let them go free.

And I learn that…

Sometimes, I have to sit by the river and listen.

By Petite Buenconsejo / Palawan Daily News