There’s an old saying that frogs will pull down other frogs just to try to escape a pot of boiling water. It’s for metaphorical purposes, but the dynamic is real: In everyone’s life, there will always be people who will constantly resist, threaten, and sabotage your possibility of self-improvement.
Ships don’t sink because of the water around them, ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.
I learned this in a hard way.
Some people are just energy vampires. They suck out all the energy from the people who are happy and enthusiastic about life. And what makes it more bad is often times, these are the people you’ll suppose to be confiding to.
I completely cut and disown one family member out of my life and we haven’t been talking for years.
After years of actively sabotaging me and my life, I’ve finally decided to put her in the rearview mirror. It took me a while to do so because a small corner in my mind was saying that; “She’s just probably like that naturally because she wasn’t given the attention she needed while growing up.” But NO. It wasn’t benefitting me in any way.
I would say that forgiveness has kept me within the toxic environment with toxic people. Even if I was abused, I kept on forgiving, only to be abused again. I thought forgiveness was good, that it would help me move on and get past it, and I would hope they will realize their bad deeds one day, and finally change to be good, so I will keep being good to them. But it just kept me in the toxic loop, and honestly as good as I was trying to be, since I was being mistreated, there were negative repressed emotions that built up, even though I tried to be forgiving.
I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life just because we share DNA. Abusers rarely change, because they always see the other person as the problem. They don’t have the necessary self-reflection to recognize their role in your pain or your damaged relationship.
Family isn’t just about who’s related to you, it’s about who’s there for you and genuinely wants you to be happy and successful. People who don’t support you and who verbally abuse you don’t deserve to be called family.
You won’t consume poison because it will hurt your body and kill you, so why do you allow poisonous people to hurt your mind and your soul?
I remember this certain story I’d like to share about Abraham Lincoln.
When Abraham Lincoln became the president of America, his father was a shoemaker. And, naturally, egoistic people were very much offended that a shoemaker’s son should become the president.
On the first day, as Abraham Lincoln entered to give his inaugural address, just in the middle, one man stood up. He was a very rich aristocrat.
He said, “Mr. Lincoln, you should not forget that your father used to make shoes for my family.”
And the whole Senate laughed, they thought that they had made a fool of Abraham Lincoln.
But certain people are made of a totally different mettle.
Lincoln looked at the man directly in the eye and said, “Sir, I know that my father used to make shoes for your family, and there will be many others here because he made shoes the way nobody else can. He was a creator. His shoes were not just shoes; he poured his whole soul into them. I want to ask you, have you any complaint?” Lincold said.
“Because I know how to make shoes myself. If you have any complaint I can make you another pair of shoes. But as far as I know, nobody has ever complained about my father’s shoes. He was a genius, a great creator and I am proud of my father.” he added.
The whole Senate was struck dumb. They could not understand what kind of man Abraham Lincoln was. He was proud because his father did his job so well, with so much enthusiasm, such a passion, and perfection.
So you see, it does not matter what you do. What matters is how you do it – of your own accord, with your own vision, with your own love. Then whatever you touch becomes gold.
The moral of the story only lies in two points; First, no one can hurt you without your consent. Second, it is not what happens to us that hurts us. It is our response that hurts us.
You can’t reset your life but you can reset your relationships. You can’t complain and blame toxic people for their bad behavior against you because you’re tolerating them in the first
In life you can’t control much but self. People will be who they are. You can accept them and interact with them or avoid them all together. It is up to you.
For your own personal, mental and emotional benefit, do not give them the power to do so. Say goodbye to them. Stay away from them as much as possible.
You are a strong, assertive person who runs her own life, and who has the power to say no to drama. You don’t have to invite it in. You don’t have to be a sounding board.
Being around them will only lead to heartache, disappointment, anger, frustration and all of those other negative feelings and emotions you don’t want to feel.That’s why they are known as being toxic. Associate with people whom bring you joy, happiness and other positive feelings and emotions.
Now that I’ve been away from the toxic environment for a number of years, and had a chance to recover, I don’t really hate them anymore. I have accepted that they are toxic, and that’s their behavior. And despite my urge to see them change into good people and be the one who supports them, I have to acknowledge the reality of their toxic behavior, that they will harm me, and I have to be the one who takes charge of my own safety, and to get away from danger, so that I don’t get hurt, but also so that they can’t practice and reinforce their abusive behaviors on me, which will eventually turn into abusing others in the future.
Nowadays I’m my own gatekeeper, and I’m selective about who I allow into my environment. If they are toxic and hurting me without remorse, I let go of them. If they support me, I support them. Rather than throwing all my efforts at a toxic person, which is like throwing everything into a black hole that only drains you and destroys you, I give my efforts towards people who will at least appreciate what I do for them, and will be nice in return. It does not mean that people can’t have their bad days, but if there are significantly more bad days than good days, it’s probably not worth the trouble.