I’m sure we all have our shares or compilation of terrible experiences in dating and being in a relationship. I’m not going to write about love because I personally think that it’s probably one of the most overrated words to ever exist.
In this column, I’ll talk about ghosting and primarily the mental effects it may cause to someone who’s dealing with it.
Well, what is ghosting really?
Ghosting is another term for breaking up with somebody by completely disappearing from their life as if you never really existed.
Suddenly, your significant other becomes unreachable and therefore you will soon come up with the realization that what you had is finally over.
Ghosting usually causes a lot of hurt and confusion in the ghosted party who is hell bent on an explanation or at least confirmation that the relationship is over.
To be honest, when I experienced it years ago, I felt rejected. I was hurt. I was questioning myself on what went wrong. I was eagerly replaying scenes in my head hoping that in the middle of my “internal replays,” I would finally come up with an answer to why he suddenly decided to disappear.
How could a person just out of nowhere decide to disappear and leave you with all those silly questions?
I mean is there something wrong with me? Am I the problem? Do I cause too much drama? You wake up one day devastated. No response. No email. No text, no call.
It took me months to process it, and well, to finally accept and just deal with it and find closure.
Everyday of all those months was filled with constant torture and questioning. Was I that bad that I didn’t deserve any explanation? What happened?
So fast forward, my life went on. After almost a year, I received a friend request from him. One damn year later. I accepted his friend request thinking that if I won’t then this guy might think that I haven’t moved on yet from what happened.
After that, he sent me a message saying how sorry he was for ghosting me. He needed to get my absolution. At that time I thought that maybe his guilt was haunting him. I also realized that contrary to me, maybe he wasn’t able to reach a closure. Maybe that’s his karma.
At the end, I understood something about what happened.
It wasn’t about me. It was about his cowardice, inability to face a situation in a manly way. He’s just maybe a coward of the highest order.
These are the kind of people you don’t need in your life. Their behavior mainly reflects on the kind of people they are rather than who you are. Ghosting is cowardly, classless and cheap and any person who indulges in it to any kind of relationship is just not worth your time. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Unfortunately, nowadays it has become an “acceptable” way of breaking up with somebody. Sometimes, some people forget that real life is not like Tinder, where you just swipe right and left, or unmatched whenever you feel like you want to. It takes more than this to deal with real emotions in real life, and ignorance is not the way that will get you far. You can’t just run around anyone’s life and ruin it, then just pretend you haven’t hurt someone and expect that karma wouldn’t knock on your doorstep someday. News flash, it will. And it will bite you ten times harder.
For those who got ghosted, please leave your dignity with you. As bad as you want to contact them and demand for an answer, don’t. Just don’t.
This may be one of the hardest things you might endure but believe me you’ll get past it. Do not pursue explanations or closure. Consider that you are lucky to get away. Never chase anyone for their energy, if their energy is not directed towards you, leave well enough alone.
Because I tell you, someday, the right one will come along. The kind that will treat you right and will love you in a way that scares you thinking that someone can love you in a way you haven’t felt before.