Just this weekend, I remember reading a testimony of a married guy in Reddit that says “I am married, but I haven’t found my soulmate.” It’s both sad and bothersome that someone who’s been married for quite a time can say that in an online forum website. My impulsive thoughts came creeping in and I dreaded my Sunday thinking about it and in particular, what can his reason be for saying that?
You know, a lot of women in my age gap, for sure, we’ve kinda wired our brains when we were younger at the thought that each person on Earth has a soulmate. Thanks to Disney classics.
And of course, when I was young, I did too, fervently.
I would search for any tiny clue to show me who was destined for me. I would agonize over it. It felt like the most exciting mystery case of Nancy Drew and I wasted a lot of time pondering on who that could be.
One thing I know now at this age, and based on personal experience, we now can recognize patterns and signs to help us know if we’ve already met the right one.
How do you recognize a soul mate?
Well it’s hard. God designed it to be hard. And the best things in life are meant to be hard. It would have been easier if they wear a sign, or if we can just ask them if they’re the one without being awkward when we meet them for the first time, and 90% of the time, we can’t distinguish the flutter in our heart from infatuation.
Sometimes, I cry whenever I watch a cringey romantic drama movie. I cried the first time I watched Titanic, The Notebook, Dear John, 500 Days of Summer, Clouds and A Walk to Remember. And sometimes, even at this age, whenever I watch some of those movies, I still cry. But not because some of them have a sad ending. But mostly, it’s because I’m happy that some of my favorite movie characters have at least met their soul mates before they die.
I think a soul mate is not limited to just romantic partners. I think you can find your soul mate in anyone. A soul mate is essentially someone who will break you down to your last atom, and take it from there, to piece by piece build you. To show you your weakness, and that you are beautiful, and with a purpose in life. They will guide you to your destiny, and they’ll remain by your side forever. And once their part in your life is over, you have to carry forward on the path that you were seeking for so long, but were not able to see. Soul mates are people you can be brutally honest with, be your mad, weird self, and they will still bear it all with a smile.
Most especially, your soul mate understands not only your smiling face, but also your darkest corners.
But most testimonies I’ve read on online forums that I am actively a member, those who met their soul mates say that they just know it the first time they saw him/her.
You know. You just know. You’ll know on the first date, the first look, the first conversation, the first kiss. Isn’t it crazy to think that there are people walking on this planet who’s so lucky that they’ve been blessed enough to know they found the one during a first date? They just know it, firsthand.
They say meeting your soul mate is like the feeling you get being home after a long trip. A sense of familiarity and comfort that you’ve never felt before. It’s as if everything just clicked instantly, so natural and effortless. Time will fly by and before you both know it, you’d been talking for hours. It’s indescribable, it’s like coming home. You’ll feel like you have a home inside that person’s soul. You would know that he/she is your soul mate if you’re both in a dark room filled with strangers and you’ll still know how to find her in that room.
Opposites don’t attract. Don’t believe in that. Likes attract, so what you give is what you get. Put yourself out there, your real self and you’re more likely to find someone who fits you. Someone who’s real self is like your real self. Genuine people attract genuine people with whom they are compatible.
Before, I used to think that there’s a cosmic matchmaker who draws lines between us all and waits for us to stumble into one another on a bus or in a cafe in a foreign city or something. There’s even a Chinese story about “The Red String of Fate” I read years ago.
The ancient Chinese believed that those who are destined to meet and be together have invisible red thread strings tied around their ankles, and no matter how much the strings are strained and tested, they are not meant to break. They believed that for each person, there’s a better half, and no matter which place they are put here on Earth, the strings will find a way for them to be together in the future.
But, we can’t just depend our lives on that myth though. The idea of a destined unique “soul mate” that the universe supplies can be a nice thought. But a deep abiding love requires a component that the notion about the Red String of Fate lacks; hard work.
Relationships take time, commitment, going through rough times, laughter, tears, setbacks, disappointments, successes, illnesses, and all the rich experience life affords.
It isn’t about Cinderella or Prince Charming magically showing up. It’s always about two people taking some starting material and making each other their soul mates.